How to Nourish the Two Versions of Self
Who we are is only half the story
Inside each and every one of us there are two selves - the living breathing part that some people call the actual self, and the unactualised version that strives for more. (Some people call this the aspirational self.)
Here is how Sahil Bloom distinguishes between the two in day to day life:
Actual Self: How we actually think, act, and behave on a daily basis.
Aspirational Self: How we want to think, act, and behave on a daily basis.
How we dance between these two selves is a personal thing but, for me, the goal of life is to narrow the gap as much as possible.
Here are some of the ways that I know and trust.
How I Nourish My Actual Self
My actual self needs a lot of positive affirmations, firm boundaries, and structure on a daily basis. Otherwise, I have a tendency to fall back into old habits and addictive tendencies.
I counteract this by writing every day, doing my daily breathwork routine, following a (mostly) plant-based diet, not eating sugar, and taking on a beginner’s mindset.
I also take lots of hot baths, go on long walks, play with my cat, spend time in my veggie garden, and ask for honest feedback from those I love.
How I Nourish My Aspirational Self
My aspirational self is a whole different beast. It needs time to imagine, fantasise, and dream. It wants to be untethered and boundless.
For this, I meditate, sit in contemplation, think in decades instead of days, use plant medicines such as mushrooms to open up my heart and mind, and continuously learn new things.
I also follow people I admire and want to replicate. People like James Clear, Brené Brown, Ester Perel, and Charles Einstein. People like Tim Denning, Bayo Akomolafe, Wim Hof, and James Nestor. And people like Vandana Shiva, Andrew Huberman, and Zach Bush.
Getting inspired by people who are ahead of me in life shows me what’s possible and gives me something to strive for. And both give me a sense of purpose.
Closing Thoughts
To circle back around to something I said earlier, life is about narrowing the gap between our actual self and our aspirational self. But the gap is healthy and should never fully close. That’s because there will always be room for improvement and self-reflection.
When the gap becomes too small, life can become distorted and/or arrogant. When the gap becomes too large, on the other hand, life can become unfulfilled and/or disillusioned. So, the gap is important because it’s where humility is cultivated. And humility, as Rick Pitino once said, “is the true key to success.”
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” - Joseph Campbell